Episode 04: It takes a village

Transcript:

hi, I’m Jalesa Dodson, a mom of three littles and you’re listening to a Love Letter to motherhood. Where I provide you with a small dose of nourishment to get you through the week. Because if we’re being honest with each other, we all need little reminders that we’re doing the best we can when we can, SO grab a cup of coffee & let’s chat!

Welcome back to another episode of A Love Letter to Motherhood. We are on episode 4 and we are talking about our village. What does it actually mean when people say it takes a village, what that village actually looks like.

Last week we talked about ways to support your partner during postpartum. We're all familiar with how rough postpartum can be and how much support is needed. Well, sometimes that support isn't always going to come from your partner. Your partner is one small part of your village.

We expect our village to look like friends and family but that's not always the case. It used to sadden me when I would hear how supportive or involved my friends' parents would be with their children. But I've learned our village, the people who support us in our motherhood journey can be a variety of people, like:

social media communities: I can't tell you enough how many mama friends I have made on the internet and it feels like I have known them for years. Some of them I have. But they can give the best advice and can be so encouraging, so supportive, and so inspiring.

healthcare providers: New moms rely heavily on pediatricians and our OB. These doctors are full of a wealth of knowledge that can be so supportive during motherhood.

childcare providers/teachers: Your kid spends so much time away from home when they start school or daycare that it only makes sense for these providers to be a part of your village. They know your child just as much as you do.

housekeepers/lawn care: It's okay to hire outside help. During those early postpartum days or even as motherhood progresses, cleaning your house and lawn care can become time-consuming and overwhelming. One of the best things we could have done for our sanity was to hire someone to help clean our house every other week and for someone to cut our grass. At first, I thought it was something I should be ashamed of, like Jalesa you really can't do it yourself, ESPECIALLY since you're a SAHM.!? I mean yeah I can, and trust me I do clean nonstop but in order for me to be my best self and the best mom to my kids, I needed this help.

the coffee barista, the grocery store clerk,

the random person at the park who asks how you're doing

neighbors

These are all important people in your village. They support you. They encourage you. They often times love your kids and take care of them in some way, shape, or form. This village takes care of you by making your coffee, checking your health, bagging your groceries. It's the little things that these people do that they seamlessly become a part of your village.

Now, finding mom friends can be hard for many reasons. Sometimes we get too into our own head and talk ourselves out of friending other moms. Or even befriending those that aren't moms because

We say things like:

"I don't feel like I connect to anyone. We don't have anything in common."

Mom groups can feel cliquey or judgmental. If you've ever been a part of a mom group online then you know what I'm saying here.

It's hard finding moms with the same values.

It's hard finding moms with the same-aged kids or availability.

There are a vast amount of reasons that can make it feel so foreign and hard to find that village.

But oftentimes they're in the least expected places, with the least expected people. Never did I think I would find mine in a church. A church filled with people who often do feel cliquey and in very different stages of life. I had kids a long time before others started having kids so it was hard finding others who understood what mom life was really like. I oftentimes had to decline because I couldn't find a babysitter or we would go hang out only to find their home wasn't kid-friendly. Then all of a sudden, everyone in the church was pregnant and the village just naturally formed. We all leaned on each other for support and advice.

Our lives are very different, and our children are a variety of ages, and our lives are in a variety of stages but we all have one thing in common: motherhood.

Remember that no mom is perfect. No mom is better than you are as a parent, regardless if you sleep train, have a strict schedule, eat McDonald’s, eat Organic, allow your child to watch tv for hours or end, or whatever it is. We all need support.

That's essentially what a village is, a support system. A group of people you can lean on when times get rough or to celebrate the beautiful moments of motherhood together.

Your village will constantly change just as you change and they change. Sometimes it'll involve more friends than family, more family than friends. Sometimes it'll strictly be the coffee barista, the grocery clerk, and your primary care doctor. Sometimes it'll just be your partner.

Regardless of who it is, allow them to support you. Allow them to encourage you. Allow them to be there for you and to celebrate you. And make sure you do the same. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate. A simple text will usually suffice.

But the biggest thing I have learned in motherhood is to give the benefit of the doubt. Know that mothers mean well. Know the others mean well. Most are not judging you. You're judging yourself.

Once you remove that barrier, your village will be waiting for you with open arms. Because it really does take a village to raise these tiny humans.

If you like these mini love letters that I send you every week, please make sure to subscribe to my podcast, share, and give it a rating where available. This helps others to find my podcast and for me to support others in this journey of motherhood.

So let me be your supporter, your motivator, your encourager, your internet friend that pats you on the back and lets you know that you're doing an amazing job and also remind you that you don't have to do it alone!

I hope you enjoyed today's episode and that you got some nourishment for your soul. I'll talk to you in the next love letter.

Love & Light, Jalesa.

Disclaimer: This episode is sponsored by Anchor.