Episode 08:The Internal Conflict of Being a SAHM

Transcript

hi, I’m Jalesa Dodson, a mom of three littles and you’re listening to a Love Letter to motherhood. Where I provide you with a small dose of nourishment to get you through the week. Because if we’re being honest with each other, we all need little reminders that we’re doing the best we can when we can, SO grab a cup of coffee & let’s chat!

Welcome to episode 08 of A Love Letter to Motherhood. In today's episode, we are addressing the internal conflict of being a stay-at-home mama. On one hand, you feel blessed and grateful to spend all of this time with your littles and then, on the other hand, you feel as if you're missing out on another life you could of had or used to have.

And I want to start off with a disclaimer that not every stay-at-home mother feels this way. I know many mamas that feel completely full-filled and have always dreamed of being a stay-at-home mom. I know some working moms who had a hard transition to being a stay-at-home mom. And I know some stay-at-home moms who made the decision because it was the best decision, maybe even the best financial decision for their family.

Everyone feels differently. And I know that feelings can change and shift in seasons.

I have been a stay-at-home mom on and off for the last 6ish years or so now. The most recent time happened when the pandemic started. I always wanted to make sure I had a large presence in my children's lives. I grew up with a mother who worked very hard and was always gone physically or was too tired so she mentally wasn't there. So I knew that because of my own personal upbringing I wanted to be heavily involved. I am very thankful for how involved I am in my littles' lives and how much I do for my kids but it does come with its what-ifs. I think that anything in life comes with some what-ifs because of the overwhelming choices and outcomes life presents us with.

So as I mentioned I had to give up my job because of the pandemic. I loved my job so much and I was great at my job. However, with everything going on, childcare was closed, My oldest was home from school and I was pregnant with my third. I tried to make it work for as long as I could after my maternity leave was over but having 3 kids home, especially when 2 are not self-sufficient and trying to work was no easy task. My husband was also working from home and his job allowed for a lot more flexibility than mine. I had none whatsoever, so trying to manage everything brought a lot of stress. I literally had 2 - 15 minute breaks and a 30-minute lunch. To think I could eat and pump in that little amount of time was beyond stressful, even with being at home!

Unfortunately, financially it was the better decision for me to leave my job. I was sad and angry and held quite a bit of resentment.

I felt like I had lost a part of myself this last time leaving my job. It was different from all of the other times being a stay-at-home. Before I knew I wanted this time to be fully present and pour my all into them. This time I had found a job I loved and I was in a new season to pursue my career dreams.

I felt like I had lost the freedom, the structure, the accomplishment of it all. And you can absolutely have all of this while being a stay-at-home mom too but let's be real, it's different.

Over on Instagram, @transparentcitymama said it best: "I think we're always gonna wrestle between mothering and dreaming, yet I know that both of them coexist."

I love my kids and I love that I get to be there for a lot of their firsts and their school activities and extra-curricular but I loved my work too. And I'm starting to realize that both feelings are okay. Both feelings are acceptable. I am allowed to feel both.

Society makes us feel guilty when mothers are away at work. Or if we do stay at home with our kids, they make it seem like we're not doing enough. Or if we wonder and vent about wanting more, they shame us for not being grateful enough that others would kill to be a stay-at-home mom or others would kill to have their kids in daycare or have a nanny.

There is no room for guilt and there is no room for shame in motherhood.

Life is full of seasons. Motherhood is full of seasons and in this season I am meant to give my all to my kids. I am meant to be present in their lives and to pour into them. And when that season is over (and oh, how I will miss it when it's over) I will be able to pour into my career and my work.

This season isn't forever and I think that's the most magical thing about seasons.

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So to the stay-at-home mama who has always dreamed of being home with her kids, enjoy the beauty of this season and pour it into your littles. Do all of the things you've ever dreamed of and create the memories you've always wanted with them. You're allowed to dream and feel however you're feeling.

For the stay-at-home mama who didn't plan on being one, enjoy this season you are in. Embrace it and pour it into your littles and create beautiful memories. Allow yourself to dream about the what-ifs and could have been. Hold on to those dreams and their season. You're allowed to dream and feel however you're feeling.

For the stay-at-home mama returning back to work, give thanks for the season you had with your littles at home. Hold on to those memories you made and carry them with you as you start a season of work. You're allowed to dream and feel however you're feeling.

Just because you dream of something different doesn't mean you don't love your kids and this season of being a stay-at-home mom. Some days of motherhood are better than others. Some days you have this motherhood thing down and feel on top of the world and on other days you may want to run in the opposite direction and think what the heck were you thinking and feel unqualified.

Whatever you're feeling, it’s valid and acceptable. Motherhood is hard but nobody is more qualified to care for your children than you are.

Embrace the season you're currently in.

If you like these mini love letters that I send you every week, please make sure to subscribe to my podcast, share, and give it a rating where available. This helps others to find my podcast and for me to support others in this journey of motherhood.

So let me be your supporter, your motivator, your encourager, your internet friend that pats you on the back and lets you know that you're doing an amazing job and also remind you that you don't have to do it alone!

I hope you enjoyed today's episode and that you got some nourishment for your soul. I'll talk to you in the next love letter.

Love & Light, Jalesa.

Disclaimer: This episode is sponsored by Anchor.