Episode 09: Am I doing enough as a mother
hi, I’m Jalesa Dodson, a mom of three littles and you’re listening to a Love Letter to motherhood. Where I provide you with a small dose of nourishment to get you through the week. Because if we’re being honest with each other, we all need little reminders that we’re doing the best we can when we can, SO grab a cup of coffee & let’s chat!
Welcome to episode 09 of A Love Letter to Motherhood. In today’s episode we are discussing that question that I’m sure all of us have asked at least one in our journeys, am I doing enough as a mother? Am I doing enough for my child?
For those of you that don’t know the age gaps between my children, my oldest is 9, my middle is 3, and my youngest is 18 months (usually I just tell people 1). So for 6 years, my oldest was the only child. And I will be the first to toot my own horn because I am killing the mom game with having only one child. We did cute crafts all the time. We read books in the morning, before nap time, before bed. We went on cool trips to parks, libraries, zoos, and museums. We did all the cool things.
Then when we had my son, I basically had to 1. Learn how to care for a newborn again because I haven’t had one in 6 years and then 2. Share my time equally. And let me just say there is no equally when you have more than one child and you will burn yourself out trying to keep score. I’m thankful that my husband was still able to keep up with some of the fun outings for my oldest but things were for sure not the same.
So now let’s throw a third child in the mix. My oldest is now 8, I have a brand new toddler and a newborn.
I no longer had the mental capacity or the energy to do all the cool things. I’ll be honest I was trust in survival mode. I barely remember to read all 3 kids a book before bed. We don’t go on special outings unless my husband tags along because my anxiety is high when it’s just me and 3 kids.
I find myself at the end of the night, asking myself am I doing enough? Are my kids happy? Do they know they’re loved? Do they know they’re safe? Do they feel cared for?
And I can guarantee the answer is yes to all of those questions especially to the am I doing enough.
Despite the tantrums. Despite the talking back. Despite the refusal of nap time. Despite the crying. Despite the yelling.
Your kids are fed. Your kids are clothed. Your kids are in a safe place. Your kids are loved you are most certainly doing enough!
At the end of the day are kids are going to remember how you made them feel. Not all of the things you bought for them or the places you took them. Those are just added bonuses. They don’t define how good of a mom you are.
They’re fun. The kids enjoy them for a moment. But sometimes doing all of the things make you a crankier mom. A stressed-out mom. A tired mom. A mom who’s overwhelmed and burned out.
I made a commitment to myself this back-to-school season that the kids have school and they each have one extracurricular activity each (except for my youngest) I don’t have to sign them up for all the things and then commit to being at every single one. Doing that is doing too much. Doing that is overwhelming me and probably them.
Something that has worked for my family and my children is giving each kid a special day. Like I said trying to keep score will just stress you out. Instead, everyone has a special time with me. This allows me to pour into them and they get to pour back into me because no siblings are tagging along and we get to really just fill each other’s cups.
So Friday nights are girl’s night. My oldest and I pick a special treat, we either watch a movie, do a craft or play a game. Once a month we got out somewhere(usually to Barnes and noble) we get to talk about whatever we want and do whatever we want without the littles interrupting.
Thursday mornings, my son and I go to gymnastics and then after go get a special treat and play at the park. We have the best conversations on the car without anyone interrupting us.
My youngest, like I said she’s one, we don’t really have a special day but we will next year, for now I like to steal away 5 to 10 minutes at a time and just sit and read with her. Play with some of her toys and just talk to her about what I see. Her siblings aren’t around and she enjoys this special time between us.
If you ever notice that one of your children is acting out more than usual, it’s a cry for attention. They need some on one time. Even if it’s just for 10 minutes, sitting on the floor and coming into their world, that’s all they may need.
I know I have to sit and play cars with my son once a day.
I know I need to sit and talk to my daughter, fully engaging, making eye contact and talking about Pokémon and her art.
I know I need to sit and just hold my youngest in her rocking chair for a few minutes.
These small gestures are showing you are doing enough.
They’re small but have a huge impact on our children.
And I’m not saying 10 minutes a day is all they need but it’s a start and you can work that time up to a longer amount of time or do small doses throughout the day but these actions show you’re doing enough.
Don’t fall victim to the Instagram mom who’s taking her kids to Disney land.
Don’t fall victim to the mom who homeschools are 6 of her kids.
Don’t fall victim to the mom who has 2 businesses, keeps a perfect house and cares for 3 kids just fine.
Instagram is just a highlight reel. People only show well for a reason.
Let this be a reminder at whatever season you are in in your mothering journey you are doing enough. You are doing more than enough. I see you and your children see you. Keep being a kick-ass mom. I actually don’t know if I can say that but there it is! Lol
So let me be your supporter, your motivator, your encourager, your internet friend that pats you on the back and lets you know that you're doing an amazing job and also remind you that you don't have to do it alone!
I hope you enjoyed today's episode and that you got some nourishment for your soul. I'll talk to you in the next love letter.
Love & Light, Jalesa.
Disclaimer: This episode is sponsored by Anchor.